Death Carries a Cane

PASSI DI DANZA SU UNA LAMA DI RASOIO

DEATH CARRIES A CANE aka THE TORMENTER

Director: Maurizio Pradeaux. Sc: Arpad De Riso, Maurizio

Pradeaux, Alfonso Balcazar, George Martin. Music: Roberto Pregadio. Cast: Susan Scott, Robert Hoffmann, Anuska Borova, Simon Andreu, George Martin.

Kitty (Susan Scott) is waiting for her fiance Alberto (Robert Hoffmann of SPASMO) at a tourist observatory when she sees (through a coin operated telescope) a young woman being brutally knifed to death. The killer is wearing the standard attire (black gloves, black overcoat and hat) and so can't be identified. Even after telling her story to the police inspector (George Martin, in a plastered-down, jet-black toupee that makes him look like a lounge singer from Hell!), no one seems to believe her. We are introduced to the rest of the cast, and a more likely group of suspects and red-herrings I've yet to witness. There is Alberto, who knew the first victim and is often caught knifing faceless clothing store dummies (he's a performance artist and this is part of his act). Marco (Simon Andreu of NIGHT OF THE SORCERORS), who is a composer and worked with soon to be victim #2 for a future concert appearance, Sylvia (Anuska Berova) and her twin sister Lydia (also played by Berova), the latter hates ballet music which just happens to be the profession of the victims. Sylvia's creepy looking boyfriend (Luciano Rossi, he played the hunchback in D'Amato's DEATH SMILES ON A MURDERER) is even shown stabbing at a store window display of straight razors (the killer's weapon of choice). Finally, the killer walks with a limp and uses a cane (hence the film's title) and we indeed see Alberto and Sylvia using one early in the film. As you would expect, the cane has no bearing on who the killer is. It comes to a climax when the killer is shot down while trying to finish off Kitty in a greenhouse.

With all those characters to play with, the film easily fills its 89 minute running time spreading around the suspicion. I have a high tolerance for ETC, but a film like this, tests even my low standards to their very core. DEATH CARRIES A CANE is so bland, so cliche-ridden, so awful yet so entertaining that it ends up getting an average rating in spite of all that.  No one, either in front of or behind the camera, distinguishes themselves in any form. Even Roberto Pregadio's patented thriller score seems to have no effect on the film when it is heard. George Martin had a hand (or was it a middle finger?) in the script and one wonders if he was responsible for the dialogue his character spouts such as the time he asks a fellow co-worker to, "Get me the files of all the deviants and sex offenders with leg disabilities." I don't know about you, but those bastards are really organized! Finally, I can't even recommend the film's copious amount of female nudity because (except for Susan Scott), the actresses who appear here needs breast implants to distinguish them from the male cast members. Boredom is a crime no film should inflict on its audience, unfortunately, DEATH CARRIES A CANE is guilty, guilty, guilty!